Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
