my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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