Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
