Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
