dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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