Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize
