The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
