your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
