We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
