You really coming over, don't trick.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
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