Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
