i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
