The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
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