when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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