porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
