Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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