I accidentally had phone sex last night
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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