Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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