i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
