I wish my penis had an off switch
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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