fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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