she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
