I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
