I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
