Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
