she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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