dude i'm inner monologue high
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
you're hired as official boob wrangler
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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