my vag is so smooth its legendary
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
