i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
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