her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Randomize
