I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
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