best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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