If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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