I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
We're using joints as your birthday candles
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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