He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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