Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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