I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
