Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
