I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
