New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
