I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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