dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
