Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
