where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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