Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Mom said you looked used
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
