What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
