so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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