I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
