Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
cat food counts as protein by the way
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Randomize
