I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
