wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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