apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
