Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Randomize
