he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
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