Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
