My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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