What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
