Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Randomize
