Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
