6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
