i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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