walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
