I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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