I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
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