If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Randomize
