wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Randomize
