i need an iv and a liver transplant
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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