your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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