You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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