hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
